hmmm...

I usually do not remember my dreams. I wake up knowing that I have dreamt, but do not remember them. Yesterday morning, I awoke and remembered nearly every detail, which is odd, but the dream was odder. We were @ church. (It is important, I think to include here that I was released from my calling as the 2nd Co. in our Ward's Primary Presidency the Sunday before Christmas.) I was in the primary room checking on my children, and it was during our middle exercises, when this couple comes in. I recognize them as some mutual non-member friends. There was a talk being given and after it was finished my friend got up to bear her testimony of sorts, but it was way off. I went to look for our Primary President and she and another friend were in the main foyer cleaning up these really nice wooden scrabble games. After realizing that there was no getting her away from that I went back into the primary room, where my friend was still talking. When she was finished she took the hands of her children and went to leave, but as she walked by I remember making eye contact with her, covering my face with my hands and hanging my head. She then takes her children and my Penny to the classroom across from our library, which in my dream was weight room. That's right a weight room, in the church building. Weight benches, weights, treadmills, etc...I get up to get Penny and apologize for my rudeness of covering my face, when I hear her husband belting out an R.E. M. song in the primary room, to all the children, as his testimony. This is when I wake up.
I thought about that dream all day yesterday. What could it mean? Why was I dreaming this? I came up with a few reasons behind it.

1- I wasn't in my calling anymore, so I really couldn't do anything about what was happening around me.

2- That even in my subconscious, I realized that I was being rude for my actions and that I was judgmental about some characteristics of my friends. I felt bad for it and apologized. I realized that I need to be a better friend, more understanding, less judgmental. (That one will be hard for me.) But maybe that means that I need to have thicker skin too. My feelings have been hurt well more than once when a friend has said something or done something, like not giving credit where credit was due; never knowing where I stand type of thing. Those are the things that make my seriously question my friendship with others. I dissect them too much and my feelings get hurt. While on the other side of it, friends may not know that they have done anything to offend. See...thicker skin and dare I say it, more forthcoming with my open-ness to say,"hey what you said or did hurt my feelings."
2a- I need to be a better missionary. Why was this particular couple in my dream?

c-People can feel the spirit in different ways. Some by reading scriptures, or bearing one's testimony, but also by belting out an R.E.M. song. I have many times thought about a lyric to a song or hymn and have been moved. Maybe the husband of my friend was doing the same thing. His timing was off, but heart in the right place.

4- I realized how upset I was, in my dream, for the misuse of the church building. I instantly thought of Christ losing his temper whilst in the temple. I think there is something about keeping the right spirit in the church building. I have gotten quite frustrated in the past with some of the choices made for theatrics in our building. By theatrics I mean plays, musicals, because of their content. I have questioned the taste but the spirit of the play and it's purpose for being put on in the church building itself.

I went to Relief Society for the first time in hmm...8+years yesterday. (Well, that it if you don't count the 2-3 times when we first moved into our ward, before I got a new calling in Primary). I have always been in Primary...from chorister, nursery leader, teacher, etc...or Young Women's. Not having something to do on Sundays will take some adjusting too. I am not the type of gal that likes to sit at church. I like helping out. Though my thought has been lately that I need to have my cup filled. So sitting and listening may not be such a bad thing. I was thankful though that I still had a friend's baby to hold during my meetings. I have been tainted with children. It seems that I have a hard time sitting and listening with out telling someone to hush or holding a wiggly 3 year old in my lap. This will be interesting to say the least. I did enjoy the lesson yesterday on resolutions and their meanings. I have made several resolutions and am hoping to keep them to improve myself.