the year of ashley

2011 huh? Well, decisions have been made to make 2011, great. I am calling it the year of Ashley. One morning while getting ready, the thought of something in Relief Society came to mind. Each week some crappy purple cow book is passed around with the news of the ward for the month. I have never been a fan of the purple cow book. I think it is impersonal and gives people the excuse not to have any contact with others. It is also an excuse to blame others for not getting the word around.  "Well...it was in the purple cow book!" It does have it's role i guess, but really so does email. Anyway...on the cover it says something like "10 cow women." If you aren't a member of our church, this must sound really odd to you. It is referring to a movie our church made a few years ago...like 20... called, "Johnny Lingo."  It is about a girl who has no self esteem. Her father, along with other members of their island call her ugly and devalue her. She believes them and devalues herself. She is noticed by a wealthy, savvy trader Johnny Lingo who a-has loved her since they were small children and 2-realizes her worth. When the day of bargaining, or the day the dowry is set, Mohanna is hiding in a tree to watch to see what her value is. Talk in the village is that since she is so ugly, Mohanna's father can only ask maybe a cow tail for her. Her father is bold and asks for 2 cows or something to the laughter of the villagers. Johnny of course sees her worth and offers the dad 8 cows. This shocks and surprises the villagers. Johnny did this not for the villagers, or to be boastful, but so that Mohanna would realize her worth, her beauty. (It of course would also be bragging rights to the women who's husbands only paid 3 or 4cows.)

      My point. Clyde is my Johnny. He has always recognized me to be the schniz-nit of gals, the ruby of women, the peanut butter to his chocolate... the list can go on and on. I just haven't seen it in myself. I have placed myself on the back burner in more than one way. Emotionally, spiritually, physically, mentally. Our children's needs and wants have always been placed first. They are growing and need new shoes more than I do, even though I have had the same church shoes for the last few years. Same with clothes for me or haircuts or whatever it may be; Knitting and sewing even. I love it. But the things I make aren't for Clyde or for myself, but for the wardlings. We were given something for the boys and today my job is to make room for it in their room. Hopefully this thing will help them stay organized and me sane. We have been bugging them and bugging them to clean their rooms for a long time now. (The cleanliness of bedrooms in the brown house is a very touchy subject. Clyde and I feel the rooms must been clean whilst the wardlings think we are kidding.) Well, them thinking that we are kidding ends today.

So, for the year of Ashley, positivity, and a few of my needs and wants are going to be accomplished. Trust me I understand the value of a dollar. I am not going to get my hair done when our power needs to be paid, but I am going to allow myself to enjoy life a bit more. I would just like to feel better about myself.  I want to see what Clyde sees, for myself. When I feel better about myself, many things in and around the brown house fall into place. Happy New year to you and thus beginnith my year of , the year of Ashley.